This evening, I am in the pink room… the light in here is lovely pretty much all day. I don’t really like the germaline colour but it feels warm and there is always a pretty gold glow from the dual aspect windows. And that is how I feel … warm and glowy inside.
I am, we are, typically very sociable people, like having people around us, love entertaining and being entertained. But the last 9 months have seen us dive into solitude, squirrel ourselves away, shy away from any big social events; for me in particular because I can’t bear the ‘gaze’ or the ‘knowing looks’ or scrutiny on how we will be or act with each other and with others.
I know I probably shouldn’t give a f*ck… as my book says. But this is a gut instinct survival mode. One I couldn’t deny or hide from.
It has only been more recently, perhaps even recent days, I have missed friends, social engagements. I am not sure I am ready for the big ones, but small gatherings I would quite like. So this weekend, we flung open our doors and offered up open house and today we have had a lovely stream of friends kind enough to take up the invite, the time to come and visit.
And so that is why, I am feeling warm and pink and glowy. Good friends do that to you. And we have more coming tomorrow and that makes me really happy. Happy to know they are comfortable to come and be in our presence, and we are comfortable enough for people to come and judge us, see for themselves how we are and what we have created. Judging may be a harsh word, but even good friends form opinions, have discussions at pillow time… but perhaps it is now and only now, that I am strong enough not to worry about what those whispered thoughts are.
Because I am warm and glowy and I just don’t care. And I am in my pink, germaline room and I still have friends, despite everything.