'Your thoughts and beliefs of the past have created this moment, and all the moments up to this moment. What you are now choosing to believe and think and say will create the next moment and the next day and the next month and the next year' – a rather apt quote from Louise Hay that pinged into my inbox at precisely the right moment that I needed it.
I am angry at myself for my reaction.
I am angry at him.
I am angry at everyone, everything
… for just as Louise says, your thoughts and beliefs create this very moment you are in. And I have had such good control of my thoughts and beliefs of the current moment until right now.
But is it anger?
Or is it disappointment? Or frustration.
I am too tired to even be able to rationalise any of my thoughts and feelings that have been dragged back to the fore.
Why do the mechanics and the turning wheels of fate, coincidence or circumstance rip out the plug of my excitement to come home and find love and embrace in the cool of our home? A chance decision to review and delete my iPhone notes…. only to find they have synchronised between the two of us and again I find details of that I already know, but have chosen to lock away as they no longer serve me now or my future.
My cruel words rather than tenderness because of my inner turmoil and anger, or frustration or disappointment at myself, him, her and the world. And in turn, he reflects the same feelings but towards himself…
So while I welcome the cool of the north after the heatwave of the islands, I didn't expect it or me to be this cool and Elsa frosty. The only thing to do is curl up under my duvet, shut out the light and rest my mind and my head and hope the warmth of my heart prevails again tomorrow and "let it go".