Today the metaphors of the world around me have been shouting out for me to notice them. And I am reminded of the passage in Eat Pray Love when Liz reads the Instructions for Freedom, ‘Life’s metaphors are god’s instructions.’
And as the instructions are all to ‘let go’, today as been all about letting go of material things. This weekend we have been clearing out the house, all the old, unused, tired, unnecessary items in the house. We have taken car loads to the tip, the charity shop and we have had monstrous fires; fires burning 10 feet high with black smoke from some of the toxic fabrics and fillings. Our unwanted belongings, left for someone else to enjoy, crushed by the metal roller or burnt to cinder and ash.
‘The day is ending and it is time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now let go.’
As we were carrying sofas to the bonfire heap, I thought exactly that to myself and wrote it in my journal, ‘In order to create or start something new, you have to let go and clear out the old so that you make room for the new.’ This house has been a beautiful home and start to our family and there are beautiful memories we will take with us but the few toxic ones are being metaphorically burnt to ash and sprinkled to the fields. The dark memories have no place in the beauty of our new home.
‘With all your heart forgive him. Forgive yourself and let him go.’
I believe this is the only way I am going to get my heart out of its cage of steel. It sounds so simple. I practice letting go all the time, letting my thoughts go in meditation, letting go of feelings through breathing or exercise and now my possessions. Why is this so hard? I have to let go of my first husband, my first love… easier perhaps if my future new husband, new love was a different person. I need to make peace with myself, the past and let go of the old … allow space for the new.
‘Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then let go.’
By being unable to forgive and love freely, I am causing myself unnecessary suffering. It all goes against my nature, but I am also stubborn. And I continue my internal fight – between heart and head, stubborn grit and freedom of spirit. Yet, I recall the advice of our therapist – ‘until you find yourself able to forgive, remain willing to be able to do so.’ And perhaps that is all I can do… for now.
‘When has the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life with great joy.’
I have been through painful experiences before, loss and grief. I know that time eases the passage. And I know that the past is important to remember but to not let stop you from the best future possible; to listen to its messages in whatever form it arrives in. Just like the message I found from Mumbo today…. Totally apt as we embark on the biggest building project of our life, mentally, spiritually, physically both personally and in bricks and mortar.
“Getting the builders in… more fun getting them out though! Mumbo & DJ xxx’