Prisoner to pain

I was interested to read today that the brain itself feels no pain.  It has no pain receptors.


And yet my brain is the cause of so much of my pain, anguish and sadness.


I was also interested to read today that the brain will sometimes continue to produce pain long after an incident or injury that has healed, in order to protect the body.


Is that what is happening to me?  My over protective brain working over time for a heart that is perhaps nearly healed?


I was furthermore interested to read that for physical injuries, health professionals advise rehabilitation and gradual physical activity as soon as possible, even if it does hurt so that you don’t become a ‘prisoner to your pain’.


So if it is my heart that is causing my pain and is the experience to be recorded in my brain, is the physical activity I need to do, love more?


I am loving.  The adverb, not the adjective.  I am loving my boys, spending more time than I ever have done before this holidays.  I am focussing on doing activities I love doing and spending time with people I love and trust most.


I thought I was showing love to the Big Man, by allowing him back in to our life.  But I am a prisoner to my pain, the pain of how much I loved him then and will not allow myself the love I have for him now to show.  Despite the ‘call to action’ side of my brain screaming for me to let go and love, my ‘cry of warning’ side of my brain is muffling those screams and suffocating that love, reinforcing iron bars with walls of steel.


Trapped love, is the worst kind of pain.  Maybe that is why my heart is hurting more now than it has done before; because I am ready to let go and I am fighting so hard against those steel barricades.


do not confuse my hard days



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