I was referred to as ‘Sweet and strong Ali’ today. It made me think of a good cup of Yorkshire tea laced with spoonfuls of sugar…. And a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until it is in hot water.”
I don’t doubt that I am strong. And the people who know me well, really well would agree but I also know they would wholeheartedly disagree with the ‘sweet’ bit. There is nothing about me that is ‘sweet’… Kind, generous, loving, charming – yes.. but there is nothing about me that contains saccharine.
In fact, today, I was perhaps just a little evil. Too harsh. Nasty maybe?
I have been through the numbing shock phase. I have survived the crushing sad phase. I vented and erupted in the anger phase.
And today it seems that I woke up after a deep, deep sleep, far, far away and found myself in the hate phase. The lashing out phase, the retaliation phase wanting to hurt those that hurt me. Distance giving me perspective and a magnifying glass on how dangerous and manipulative some people are.
I tried to run it off. Throwing myself up a big hill, stumbling and slipping and grasping at the grass to keep going.
But it didn’t help. I am the lioness, swiping with big paws and open claws protecting my cubs…
Did it make me feel any better? Perhaps. Probably….
I am definitely not ‘sweet’.