Not quite right… 

I woke up this morning and something just didn’t feel right.
I couldn’t quite work it out, until I had to answer the question ‘did you sleep well’… Which I did … But then my lips wouldn’t work! I managed to get some sort of message out to which the answer was ‘yes – your lips are very swollen’ …
So today I have had the most gloriously full lips but had to remain relatively quiet – the only thing soothing them – ice cubes, ice cream, ice cold white wine spritzers.
Ice cubes and ice cream while I watched my two very blond boys play on the beach – admiring their differences as one creatively made sand structures while the other dived in and out, over and under the waves. Both content.
And again later, marvelling their opposing natures again over the ice cold long alcoholic beverage… One of them taking crabbing so seriously, choosing his location, monitoring his bait supply, counting his spoils… As the other ran up and down and round and round jumping off the side of the sailing club, over and over again… Both content. 
And tomorrow we head home… Back to the north. 
And I am partly nervous. This first 10 days of the holidays has been so wonderful… Relaxed. Grief a distant ache.
I need to keep the calm in my heart, the joy in my spirit, the sunny smile on my face… 
I hope I wake up tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and the only thing that doesn’t feel right are my swollen lips and not the hole in my heart. 

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