I am feeling very chilled.
Maybe it is the first glass of wine I have had for a very long time… A gorgeous crisp dry rose .. My body doesn’t seem to be rejecting it so far…
Maybe it is because I took the advice of some very wise people and actually did nothing or at least very little while the boys were at schools. I looked at my lists. And that is about as much as I did. At one point I was so relaxed I woke up!
Maybe it is relief… All the tough decisions made, actions taken. Plans for the summer taking shape with my freedom to spend time with those I love rather than being tied to a pointless job, that was a priority for someone else, not me.
Maybe it is because I finally value my role as a mother, wife, homemaker… It’s only taken 3 years to see it, realise it, welcome it and now embrace it. No more searching. I have my business and volunteering to stimulate me as and when I need it and when I choose it.
Maybe it is because I had a good cry, sob even as I followed a hearse all the way from house to school. Mumbo popped up on my timeline this morning to say ‘hi’… A poignant previous post where she reminded me how much time she did have with her grandchildren.. Gorgeous pictures of her as the boys were born right up to last year. And the hearse, I felt was another sign from her telling me to ‘go slow’, take your time, stop racing here there and everywhere, go at the appropriate speed to your reality… The hearse taking a steady pace on the windy, bumpy, roads and then picking up speed on the motorway, but not excessive! Message received…
Maybe it is because I feel the support from so many beautiful people who take the time to give beautiful things to me; give me hope and comfort through words of experience; give me love through messages, unexpected visits, impromptu hugs; empathy and support when I know how tough it may be for them…. 
I love the maybe game…. I also love feeling chill. 

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