The universe plays a funny old game.

As I lose a mother, I have to be a mother.   Not that I ever forgot or stopped, but I had to be more than just present, more than just the usual, normal routine of pick ups, tea time, teeth cleaning and bedtime stories…  I am totally back on the other side of my family sandwich…

 

It felt like I had just dropped off to sleep, and Tom Tom crept in to bed.  Burning. Shivering. Frighteningly high temp of 39.6C. He looked just like the Big Man when we were on Ko Phi Phi.. Sad and sorry for himself.  Wanting to be held but just too hot for me to hold…

 

From 1am to 5am, it was cold flannels, calpol and cuddles.  Willy joined us at 3am ..  coughing a little fit.

 

I was Mummy in the middle turning every 15 minutes to give each one a kiss, stroke their head, feel their brow….

 

Willy bounced off to school with Grandpa this morning but my little Tom is proper poorly.  Can’t eat or swallow.  We had a duvet day.

 

I want to eat burger and chips and a big fat vanilla milkshake, American style.

Totally unlike me.

I still feel like I am having an out of body experience.

 

The Big Man is home.  He can put me back together.