I had rather an indulgent day today, indulging in some quiet time after galavanting around the countryside with my Dad! I waved them goodbye and blew kisses as they set off on their next adventure, ticking the next country off their bucket list.
And as I turned back to the house, I felt rather melancholy, under the weather, sad, tired, sick in my stomach. I wasn’t sure why.
So I indulged in some Marrianne Williamson and reminded myself that it is ok to feel sad. As a society we are too quick to run away from negative emotions, when really we should be like the buffalo, who feel a storm coming and rather than run away from it, turn and head straight into it, run hard and head out the other side. Far better to feel the pain, sadness or emotion and get it over with rather than keep running from it. And in feeling the pain or sadness rather than try to end it, ask what the pain or sadness means.
To ride out the sad storm, I indulged in some online retail therapy, indulged my pinterest addiction for fashion and furnishings, indulged in listening to my boys playing and laughing around the house, indulged in toast and special Michelin star marmalade and a steamy hot bath.
And as the steam rose, first from the bath, then from my legs as I lay wrapped in a towel to cool off, I looked at the sadness.
And it told me I was sad because although I love seeing my Dad and Edna so happy, it always reminds me of the loss of my Mum. And It’s ok to be sad about that.
And it told me I was sad because I only have a few weeks left in a house that was a labour of love, a special first family home. And it’s ok to be sad about that.
And finally, I indulged in some list making to help me ride out the final winds of the sad storms. I indulged in some dreaming; I opened my mind, without limitations to answer 3 questions: What do I want to have? What do I want to do? What do I want to be?